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He wasn’t mean or judgmental about it—we were just about 18 after all—but he laughed at me when he saw the tears in my eyes and suddenly I felt misunderstood, and more important, pressured. I knew that my emotional reaction meant that something about him didn’t sit well with me. Meeting guys in bars or going on first dates was much more complicated during my college years, because when the time came—when that question,“Wanna come back to my apartment? That happened so many times that I practically perfected my responses, and, more than that, I avoided first dates. Would every “good” first date end in an invitation for sex?
Suddenly, my love requirement seemed flimsy and unattainable.
The third time I told a guy I was a virgin, I remember pushing myself to get the words out.
The guy I’d been seeing sporadically for months was truly special, a kind boy with chocolate-brown eyes and that boyish shyness I couldn’t get enough of. When I confirmed it, I asked him why he was surprised.