If you’re a guy, post a picture of yourself with a baby. Don’t write your profile like you’re writing a text message. Remember, you F’ing rock and someone would be lucky to find you. In which case I hope you find someone and they dump your ass and you cry. If you like this, please follow me on twitter and Facebook and buy my book when it comes out this October.If you don’t have a baby, go to a park and ask a random stranger if she can take your picture while you hold her baby. Do NOT mention any of the following words in your profile: Marriage Kids Prison Blood Mommy The IRS Porn 4. ‘Cause this is the shit I used to read all the time when I was doing it: I love walking on the beach and going on vacations and seeing movies. And then I F’ing meet you and you’re like let’s go see some weird ass indie flick that’s in Swahili (Holy crap, I spelled that word right on the first try?!!! I don’t give a crap whether you look like Christina Aguilera 2011 or Christina Aguilera 2013. When someone types the word “u” instead of “you,” do you know what I think? Good Generic Example #1 Let's face it, I don't live the life of a rock-star or famous athlete ...but those guys are always getting caught cheating on their wives, so why would I want to live that life?That photo where your skin looks all glowy and you can’t see your cankles? But the photo from 6 years, 25 pounds and two high-stress jobs ago?Yes, you looked great, but you want to date someone who is attracted to you right now.Here, statements women make in their profiles that chase away eligible bachelors. He hears: I'm not financially secure, and I believe men should take care of women. " asks Eli*, a 41-year-old from Orlando, FL, who's used online dating sites.
A recent study by found that over 49 million people per month look for love on e Harmony and alone. Until I did that whole online dating thing and met my totally awesome, badass, studmuffin hubby there.I mean when I met my hubby online, here’s what I wrote to him: “I like meat, sports and beer.” A. If you’re a woman, post a picture of yourself with a dog.You might, however, scare off an honest man who fears you're carrying baggage from a previous relationship."Good guys may think you sound angry and bitter," says Katz. If your world revolves around your children, where would a guy fit in?If you like low-key creative types, share what it is you make. Put forward the version of yourself that’s most attractive to the person you’re trying to see naked.Online dating is like advertising: Know your ideal audience and target them by positioning yourself to be as appealing as possible. And if you're thinking you're all high and mighty because you're not single and don't need this, well, goody goody gumdrops for you, but be a saint and share this shit with your single friends. Ten things to do when you’re creating an online dating profile: 1. Yeah, I know they say you’re supposed to be completely honest and crap but that’s bullshit. If I were completely truthful, I would have written: “I like cats, TLC marathons, The Bachelorette, eating Hershey’s syrup straight out of the bottle, putting on my fat pants the second I get home, and meat, sports and beer.” 2. So yeah, I'm an F'ing expert on this subject and I'd be an a-hole not to share my brilliant wisdom with you."People who live a comfortable lifestyle want someone who can do the things they do, but it's not necessary to say that outright," says e Flirt founder Laurie Davis, whose book is due out in 2013.Instead, Davis suggests searching for people within your income bracket (which is an option on many sites, though a study by dating site Ok Cupid revealed that people typically inflate this number by 20%) or looking for other clues in their profiles, such as similar favorite travel destinations. He hears: I've been burned, and I have major trust issues. "You're not going to scare off the liars," cautions Evan Marc Katz, a dating coach and author of .